we’re going to New York

yayy leaving tomorrow and will be back next Sunday! 

Good-bye for Now, Mommy

Mom went home to the Lord earlier this month, on Monday, June 2 at 9:10 pm.  We had just seen her the day before in the early evening after Ron’s mom’s Memorial Service.  She passed away a few weeks prior, after 5 years in a convalescent hospital, paralyzed and unable to communicate.  Our mom went after her.  Earlier careworkers, her doctor and we all noticed that she was more lethargic, less communicative, not responsive verbally or with motions.  The doctors cautioned that her time may be coming.  A few days after we chatted, mom was hospitalized when the workers felt that she was below her normal baseline of responsiveness, etc.  She was at the ER at St Francis hospital across the street and the staff there re-hydrated her, gave her a CT scan to see if there had been an additional strokes, to compare with older CT scans they had on file, and basically get her comfortable.  Their report was that whatever is wrong with Mom is non-reverseable; in other words they did all they could do for her.  She was released back to On Lok and moved in a private room in a “hospice” situation.  We communicated a lot with Dr. Dang and Linda Young and Dr. Dang continued with more IV fluids after her discharge, but her kidney was only operating at 15% and her appetite continue to decline.  We knew this was the end and Dr. Dang said maybe a few more weeks on the high side.  This was Thursday before she died.  Linda Young called me and asked if anyone would be staying the nights with her at On Lok and no one was available for that.

On the night she died, the care providers noticed that her breathing had become very shallow and they increased their watch.  At about 9 pm, they decided to watch more carefully and saw that she took her last breath at 9:10 pm.  The on call doctor pronounced that as the time of death.  I got the call at 9:30 pm.

Matt, Jannette, Emilio, Javier, and later Irene and her boyfriend were there.  Junior was there.  Ron and Pauline were there. Bruce, Brandon, Tara, Nee and David were there with me.   Doreen and Wing were there.  There seem to be a lot of people there and it was late.  The funeral home came to get her at 12:30 am and they took off her clothes, draped her and took her out in a body bag.

We came home after that and got back about 2 am.  I met up with Pauline the next day, picked her up and went into the city to meet Matt and Junior at the funeral home.  We got all of that taken care of, and reminded everyone of the pacemaker (didn’t want an explosioin at the cremation) and then took off for lunch.  Junior, Bruce, Pauline and I went to a restaurant in So San Francisco for dim sum and Nate, Christina, Emmett, and Jeremy joined us.

From there Bruce, Pauline and I went to Olivet and made our arrangements there.  No witnesses for the cremation (which went from $280 to $800 for the privilege since Dad passed away) which took place the following Thursday, June 5.  Doreen got all upset because no one was there to say good-bye, but she didn’t want to be there.

Since that Tuesday, I took another 1/2 off to just chill and get stuff done.  The Memorial Service is pretty set, one picture ordered, one large arrangement ordered through Monica Chun, Matt and the boys and Jr. are singing, and so on.

It will be nice.  I hope Mom would like it.  I’m tired, but haven’t really cried.  I’m sure I’ll grieve when the time is right.  But for now, Mom, thank you for always protecting me, taking care of me, and loving me in your own way.  No more limitations, no more not hearing, no more not seeing, but now seeing the face of your Savior and being with Dad too!  It will be lonelier than I have ever been at a certain level, from now on without the two of you.  I guess you never outgrow your “need” for your Mom and Dad. Till we see you again, I love you.  Elaine, #3

 

Moving out

Brandon moved out this weekend after 26 years.  He left Bear Bear I think and a lot of his other stuff.  He took his many boxes of shoes, clothes and some other stuff and is now in San Jose.  I didn’t think this would hit me the way it has.  It many ways, I’m happy for him, but I do miss him, and know in my heart this is somewhat forever.  There’s that book I wanted to give him when he left the house and guess what, surprise, surprise, I can’t find it.  oh well…Bear Bear is still here and I’ll try to find it before he takes that with him.  Bruce and I thought all he really needed, is a few canisters of furukaki, a rice cooker, a bag of rice, lop cheung, beef jerkey, Ko Chee Cheung, Ho yo, and he’d be set.  He inadvertently, took a little piece of mommy and daddy’s heart with him too, which we’re more than glad to give.

So isn’t everyone in love with “Enchanted”?

“I’ve been dreaming of a true love’s kiss…”  This is a great Disney movie that pokes at itself and makes fun, but respectfully so, at themselves and at fairy tales’ happily ever after.  Dr. McDreamy is a tad old for his part, but dreamy nonetheless.  Amy Adams is older than the last princess, Anne Hathaway, that made it on the big screen, but really is the one that makes the movie so wonderful!   Her hands…you need to watch how she uses her hands!

Anyway, to underline how much I love the Chinn girls, they were the ones that asked to borrow my sound track so they can put it on their Ipods.  How cute are they?  Marcela is graduating from 8th grade this year, but she’s not so insecure or self-conscious to love this movie.  Evalina, who I believe is the most imaginative lets herself drift into her own fantasy so sweetly, and Claudia will sing and call the animals to come clean anytime just for laughs.

These girls are soooo sweet!  Mrs. Choy, who loves and adore you guys

Saying Hi’s and Good-byes the proper Chinese Way

Nate and Christina hosted a bbq yesterday as good-bye party and congrats party and there were a lot of people that showed up, many of which I didn’t know.  I’m sure they were all very nice people, but they weren’t very warm, welcoming, schmoozie, friendly, good eye contact, extended handshake kinds of people.  In other words, they were very Chinese.  So do I dare go off on this topic?  I can, but probably in another blog.

What’s more fun was sitting and eating with Jer, KPL and Jason.  As usual, their fast cadence interchanges were fun to listen to and lifted my spirit.  Love to be with my beautiful niece, her tall and handsome boyfriend and my creative genius artist nephew.  After commenting in our typical acerbic (spelling?) ways about not knowing a lot of these people, we started talking about what the proper loud greetings of Hi’s should be if you’re really Chinese!  Or, if you’re like our family.

These children know…we have these types of Hi’s and Good-byes’, hell or high water, at Christmas, Thanksgiving, parties, showers, get together, Chinese New Year, good-bye parties, engagement parties, graduation parties, you name it.  As long as it’s at someone’s house.

The volume is raised by 3 notches and both arms are raised with hands flapping and waving, as you enter the front door.  What you say loudly is a combination of “heyyy…hi…ho-mah?…lee dah la (our dialect)…lay jau lah…and then hey hey” again.  What follows this is getting pass the doorway, taking off your shoes, taking off your jackets (if you’ve ever lived in San Francisco, Daly City, you always bring and/or wear a jacket), putting down your Coach purses, diaper bags, and bringing your giant trays of food, bags of goodies, pink boxes of dim sum, pastries, bows, fresh fruit, salad bowls, sloshy casseroles that barely made it without spilling, pots of gravy, and on and on into the bursting at the seams kitchen. 

Both Jason and Katie demonstratied the greetings, in Cantonese style and in Taiwanese style a la Jason.  After we laughed (at ourselves), we also added that Auntie Doreen, the soon to be the oldest of our clan, does this the best!  It’s like the opening scene in Joy Luck Club when the guests arrive at the house.  You lose your many years of training and caution of trying not to sound Chinese, and let it all hang out in your best Chinglish and yell your hello’s.

Saying good-byes are very similar.  If you’re older, you tend to linger at these gatherings more, trying to recapture the relations, enjoy that last cup of coffee and taste all of the desserts (“oh, just a little piece”; “Oh, Linda made this, yes yes, I’ll try a small piece”; “From Trader Joe’s?  Ok, I get a piece”; “This is good — where?  Costco?”).  But if you’re young, like Kay Kay and Jay, you’re usually hurrying off to event #3 and later go to event #4 (having been at Event #1 before arriving, and if you’re Nee Nee, “I’m soooo tired,” – repeat 54 times). Now their good bye is a speeded up version of the old folks’ good-bye. 

The older ones, gather their children, and their video games they brought to amuse themselves in the corners of the house at these gathering, all their dishes, serving utinsils, presents for belated birthdays, more jackets, infant seats, blankets, nuk nuks, bottles, baby spoons, tupperwares of leftovers (“you have to take some for work tomorrow”; “Alec really liked this…take some with you.”; “Uncle Bruce bbq’d these, you have take some…”) and ladened with the treasures of the evening, they head for the door, making sometimes, 3 trips back and forth from their car trunks to the house.  Doors slam and the “good-byes” begin.

“Pauline, we’re leaving!”, “Ok, bye bye”, “Thomas, did you say Good-bye to Auntie Elaine?”, “Bye, bye..”, “Bye, bye!”  The energy and intensity of these good-byes aren’t as vibrant and exciting as the hi’s but they are definintely as LOUD!  The speech is a little slower, but it is just as LOUD, and better yet, sometimes they’re all yelled out in front of the house and up and down the quiet streets of suburbia, the voices drift and carry to the next street over.  We know we’re not far from Chinese people, if from time to time, you hear loud good-byes in the streets of white suburbia!  San Ramon, Saratoga, Los Gatos, you better be listening — those Chinese people are coming and your streets will be LOUD.

Ok, so the young folks — they’re hurrying off to Event #34 that they’ve scheduled into the evening.  Where did you say you’re going (if they tell you)?  Well this is what they tell us:  someone is leaving for LA; someone is back from LA; someone is graduating (but not my child yet); someone is having a housewarming; someone is meeting me for coffee; someone is hosting an event at a club/restaurant; a concert; hanging out; playing Guitar Hero; playing Halo; playing Zelda; playing WII sitting down; tennis match; driving someone to someone’s house or to someone’s car so they can drive somewhere else to do something else; in other words, they did their duty, showed up, said their loud Hi’s, ate (big deal, regardless of how many meals you’ve already had eaten at other gatherings, or how many other gatherings with food and obligatory eating you’ll be going to), and stayed a minimum of 43 minutes (time it, I think I’m pretty stinkin’ close).

This is their good-byes in a staccato, cranked up speed, hands up in the air waving again, “Bye, bye, bye..Ok, Ok…No, no, no, bow law..go law…umm sai…Bye Bye!” and with big purses, keys in hand, and scarves, they run out the door.  Trying, to no avail, they leave without taking at least 3 containers of food.  But again, these good-byes are LOUD!

So LOUD and enthusiastic is the key, and clearly the picnic attendees were not trained right, or felt they couldn’t be too Chinese in this venue, or they’re trapped between cultures again, and on the fence. 

Those that aren’t on the fence (like the FOBs) know and don’t care how loud they are in all aspects of their lives.  Listen to them speak Mandarin…never under volume normal.  Those who have divorced themselves from being Chinese wouldn’t be caught dead in a gathering such as this.  They’re invisible and trying very hard to blend into white America.  Nice try, but you’re still yellow and your eyes aren’t round (although I hear, big, dark designer sunglasses help hide your Chinese-ness).

Then there’s those who know, looked at being Chinese, from both sides now, from Chinatown to country clubs, and still somehow, it’s Chinese-ness illusiveness, I recall: I like being Chinese, after all. (with apologies to Judy Collins)